In the sign-up page for Fetlife there is a section which asks for your “Role”, some of these can be foreign to you, because of this I’ve drawn up short definitions for each. For more details concerning Identity and BDSM roles check this article out. You can also join the BDSM Glossary Fetlife Group.
- Dominant - The one in charge, or the top who oversees and controls. A Dominant should be well versed in many areas of sexual play for safety. The responsible One.
- Domme - female variant of Dominant.(Also known as Dominatrix)
- Switch - a person who changes between 2 or more roles.
- submissive - One who gives freely of themselves for the pleasures of another. A subordinate with negotiated limits.
- Master - The dominant of a Master/slave dynamic.
- Mistress - Female variant of Master.
- slave - The submissive of the Master/slave dynamic.
- pet - Controversial term that can be 1. A bottom who enjoys animal play. 2. A submissive or slave who is considered living property such as domestic animals are. The pet will not necessarily have an animal persona.
- kajira - term for female slave or “slave-girl” in John Norman's Gor novels.
- kajirus - term for male slave in John Norman's Gor novels.
- Top - The person in control during a scene or in play, but may or may not be a Dominant.
- Bottom - In a scene, the person who gives up control, or who receives physical sensation from a top.
- Sadist - A person who enjoys inflicting pain on another. The person may gain sexual or non-sexual gratification from this.
- Masochist - A person who enjoys receiving pain. May or may not be sexual enjoyment.
- Sadomasochist - A person who enjoys both inflicting and receiving pain.
- Ageplayer - Ageplay or age play is a form of roleplaying in which an individual acts or treats another as if they were a different age.
- Daddy - Someone who takes on a father role in a relationship; often, but not always, a Dominant.
- babygirl - A female who identifies as or role plays as a young girl. Sometimes used as a nick name for a female submissive.
- brat - A “bratty” submissive has a reputation for talking back, being disrespectful or mildly disobedient. On the surface, this is a negative quality in a submissive; however, a certain amount of “brattiness” is enjoyed by some Dominants, and may in fact be a large component of a power exchange relationship.
- Primal - a person that gives into their instincts. A form of Dominant /submissive play revolving around animalistic aspect of human psyche
- Fetishist - One who gains arousal or gratification from a fetish (a physical object, or from a specific situation).
- Kinkster - A person characterized by kinky preferences or behavior.
- Hedonist - a person who is devout to pursuing pleasure and self gratification.
- Vanilla - A person without BDSM inclinations or a fetish.
dominantlife replied to your post:Why not Dominant/little or Carer Dominant / Little then?I have been using Big/little for sometime and it avoids all the gender ID issues while being easy to remember.Now I feel stupid for never thinking that.I actually brought up the name change last year to a DD/lg Fetlife group, most members were pretty set on the idea that it didn’t need a name change and that Dommes and little boys have existed within the dynamic forever with very few complaints.
Q:I'm falling for this older guy, much older than me. I'm 21 and he's 48. I know you and your Daddy have an age gap. I worry about the gap tho. I know my could-be-Dom isn't 18 anymore but what do I need to understand and know before I get myself in too deep and hurt him while making an ass of myself? <3
The age gap is something that can be a bit intimidating, especially if you dwell on it.
There really isn’t anything that I could tell you to make it easier, because for me, I don’t recognize the age gap so much. Although he can seem like a big scary mean Daddy, he’s a goofball just like me and he NEVER makes me feel inferior because of my age.
It all really depends on the guy that you’re seeing. If he’s very serious, and expects you to behave the same, I can imagine that it would be tough. But if he’s laid back, it’ll be a lot more comfortable to adjust. Being able to occasionally make jokes about how young you are, or how old he is, is kinda important.
The only way you could make an ass of yourself is by being dishonest. Communication is key, ALWAYS!
I really can’t tell you what to do without more information. All I really can say is that you don’t want to be with someone that you have to change yourself for. If he’s attracted to you, then be you. Be young and silly.
Feel free to msg me off anon and I’m sure I could be more helpful privately! c: